Perspective

October 2000

Flee from Fleet!
Recent mergers harm consumers.
by Shai Sachs

The Death of Winter
Global warming: scarier than you thought.
by Julia Silvis

Napster Got My Gnuts
The mp3 debate gets out of hand.
by Brad Hershbein

Talkin' $acrifice
Americans don't appreciate public service.
by Nikhil Jaikumar

Feelin' Important!
PERSPECTIVE's voter registration guide for Election 2000.
by the PERSPECTIVE staff

Introspective
Starvation Chic
by Liz Thornberry

Salmagundi

Scraps

Backpage
Scooterdo's (and don'ts)
by Julia Silvis

Scraps

The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy

"The Bush network is the only genuine network in the Republican Party. It is the establishment."

—Bill Kristol, editor of The Weekly Standard.

Exception to Every Rule

"The one immigrant Pat Buchanan wants to keep in America."

—Bill Clinton describing Elian Gonzalez, as reported in The Washington Post.

And the Lord Shall Send Locusts Upon Them

"It put me in conflict with my faith… I’m not working for a farm that openly claims it relies on a power other than God."

—Martin Kelley after quiting Arreton Valley Nurseries when, on the suggestion of the British Tomato Growers’ Association, it began using feng shui to create harmonious environments by channeling energy flows, as reported by Reuters.

Limited Liability

"George W. Bush is basically a conglomerate political corporation running for president."

—Ralph Nader on Face the Nation, July 16, 2000.

The Cute Vote

Three to two.

—The margin by which sales of the Beany Baby Elephant "Righty" have outpaced sales of "Lefty," the donkey, as reported by The Economist, July 22, 2000.

A Yellow Brick Road to the 21st Century

"This is the perfect Wizard of Oz ticket for the Republican party; Cheney needs a heart and Bush needs a brain."

—Jay Leno commenting on George W. Bush’s choice of Dick Cheney as vice-presidential candidate, July 24, 2000.

Better Boring than Brutal

"The difference between Gore and Bush is that when Gore puts you to sleep you wake up again."

—Jay Leno commenting on the presidential race.

We Wish

"Recently, one of the stupidest, most self-destructive groups in America has started to improve its behaviour. We refer, of course, to the Republicans in Congress."

—The Economist, a conservative publication, July 28, 2000.

We Wish II

"Anybody who’s pro-life on Election Day will vote for us, and anybody who’s pro-choice will vote for the other side."

—Gary Bauer at the Republican convention.

Ad Agency Rep Suffers Heart Attack

"There have been several times during this uniquely long expansion when the best metaphor for America’s economy has been the Duracell bunny, the one that just keeps on running."

—The Economist trying to describe the Energizer bunny, August 5, 2000.

(Except That It’d Be Nice To Own the Government)

"We’re quite proud to support the political process, and I think people know that and appreciate that support. I don’t think we’re looking for any benefit beyond that."

—Microsoft spokesman Rick Miller on Microsoft giving $1 million to each political convention, as reported by The Washington Post, July 28, 2000.

By Bringing the Bushes on his show?

"I’ll do it my way, so that I don’t hurt the ticket."

—Jerry Springer describing how he could help Al Gore get elected, as reported in US News and World Report, August 28, 2000.

This is NASCAR Country

"I like what I saw; I hate to say it, but maybe this did sway me a little bit."

—Michael Conwell, the North Carolina State Trooper who arrested Al Gore’s son for speeding, suggesting that he was so impressed by Albert III that he would more strongly consider voting for Gore.

He’s Ready for the Core

"As governor, Bush decided that 30 minutes was too long to spend on a final review of each death-penalty case prior to execution. He cut it to15 minutes."

—The New Republic, August 21, 2000.

…And for the QRR

"Just because I got tangled up in trillions talking about my tax plan, people think I don’t understand subtraction. I understand subtraction. The less we subtract from the rich, the happier they are. The happier they are, the more money they give me. The more money they give me, the more likely it is I can win."

—Maureen Dowd parodying George W Bush in an August 27, 2000 New York Times column.

You Tell Me

"What does an actor know about politics?"

—Ronald Reagan, while in office, responding to an Ed Asner comment.

Semi-Automatic Vacuuming

"Schools could cut down on violent rampages by students if one janitor in each school carried a gun in an ankle holster."

—Jesse Ventura’s plan to reduce school violence in his new book Do I Stand Alone, as reported by The Associated Press, August 24, 2000.

But Are They Dating?

"The electorate will be reminded that Mr. Gore was captain of football at high school while George W. Bush was captain of cheerleading."

—The Economist describing a pending ESPN interview with Al Gore, September 2, 2000.

Evolution, not Extinction

"Dealing with Aetna US Healthcare is like dealing with a particularly incompetent branch of the old Soviet bureaucracy."

—The Economist, September 2, 2000.

Internecine Rivalries?

"What is Mr. Bush’s accomplishment? That he’s no longer an obnoxious drunk?"

—Ronald Reagan Jr. as reported in a Frank Rich New York Times column, September 9, 2000.

Off-Mike

"Mr. Bush started the week with yet another faux pas: calling a New York Times journalist a "major-league asshole" in the range of a live microphone. That word was mild compared with the ones being bandied around by some members of the press as they completed their 28th consecutive hour of following the vice-president."

—The Economist describing Al Gore’s 28 hour Labour Day workathon, September 9, 2000.

Oh My God, You’re So Discernably Turgid

"The showing of the post-pubertal human male or female genitals, pubic area, or buttocks with less than a fully opaque covering, the showing of the post-pubertal female breast with less than a fully opaque convering of any part of the nipple or areola, or the showing of covered male genitals in a discernibly turgid state [emphasis added]."

—Nudity definied in a bill to ban indecent exposure pending before the Mississippi legislature, as reported by Salon.com.

And With the Girls Be Handy

"At first I gave all the boys who had underwhelmed me the benefit of the doubt but, after three years, I’ve finally distinguished what it is—that American guys have it and Brits don’t."

—The 15-year-old daughter of the American ambassador to Britain complaining about the poor quality of British boys, as reported by CNN.com, August 10, 2000.

Why Vote When You Can Arm-Wrestle?

"There have been a lot of great battle cries throughout history:… Well, I’ve got a new one tonight: Mark Daton, can you smell what "The Rod" is cooking?"

—Minnesota Senator Rod Grams (R), to his opponent Mark Daton.

Questions? Comments? Please contact perspy@hcs.harvard.edu