Scraps

April 1995

Huh?

"I guess it was overdue, but I don't think it's a big deal."

--Jeff Smith (R), Mississippi State Representative, on Mississippi's recent ratification of the Thirteenth Amendment, abolishing slavery, 130 years after the rest of the nation. The Harvard Crimson, March 17, 1995.

D'oh!

"We did not recognize that neither our people nor our leaders are omniscient. We do not have the God-given right to shape every nation in our own image or as we choose."

--Robert S. McNamara, on the Vietnam war, in his new memoir, In Retrospect.

Low-Cut Self-Esteem

"Women in the 1950s had to contend with Marilyn Monroe's cleavage and how they did (or mostly didn't) measure up to the ideal of female sexuality that it represented."

--Star Tribune, March 29, 1995.

First Single-Payer, Now...

"An obituary in the Milwaukee Journal: 'George F. "Happy" Edwards, age seventy-two years, of Madison, died on Tuesday October 3, 1994, at a local hospital after a long courageous battle with doctors.'"

--The Progressive, January 1995.

Gold Medal, Iron Lung

"Tonya Harding works twice a week at a senior center as part of the community service requirement of [her] criminal sentence. ...But on Thanksgiving Day, she volunteered on her own to...deliver meals to elderly shut-ins, including George Rogers, 80, of Gladstone [Oregon]. She came into his house with a group of reporters, cameramen, and photographers. They trampled his oxygen line in the process."

--Milwaukee Journal, quoted in The Progressive, January 1995.

Gingrich, Barnum, and Bailey

"We have our own ringmaster. We have our own clowns. The elephants have gone berserk in the capitol."

--Rep. Zoe Loefren (D-CA) on the appearance of the Ringling Brothers' Circus on Capitol Hill. The New York Times, April 6, 1995.

Animals and Idiots: Episode I

"Newt loves animals and circuses. This is a match made in heaven."

--Tony Blankley, Newt's spokesperson, on the circus's appearance. The New York Times, April 6, 1995.

Animals and Idiots: Episode 2

"Three janitors trying to freeze a gopher to death caused an explosion that injured 19 people, mostly pupils at an elementary school, officials said. The janitors were blown out of a small utility room. The gopher survived and was later released in a field."

--The New York Times, April 7, 1995.

Animals and Idiots: Episode 3

"In his `Dog Days' in January, Joel Vance said that Lassie would cause trouble on a fishing trip. But I saw a `Lassie' in which Lassie pointed trout for Timmie. In this episode, Timmie won a tournament because of Lassie's fish hunting skills. Sure, most dogs would be trouble on a stream, lake or pond, but not Lassie."

--Mike O'Neil in a letter to Field and Stream, April 1995.

Film at Eleven

"I've never said that I personally have heard any of the jurors talking about the case. ...I have no knowledge of the jurors talking about the case. The only things that I said were possibilities, that the possibilities did exist."

--Jeanette Harris, a juror removed from the O.J. Simpson murder trial, speaking in reference to claims that she reported discussion of the case among the jurors. The Harvard Crimson, April 8, 1995.

Mommy Dearest

"I accept Candy. ...But I do wish that Candy would be--How should Isay it?--natural."

--Kathleen Gingrich on her lesbian daughter, quoted in Newsweek, March 6, 1995.

Uplifting Scents

"Pumpkin pie and lavender."

--Food odor that caused the largest increase in blood flow to the penis, according to study by the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation.

--The New York Times Magazine, April 9, 1995.

$4.50?

"If the Republican party ran a party, nobody would come. Even if we charged only five dollars."

--Republican activist George "The Cat" Catavol, quoted in The Cambridge Chronicle, April 6, 1995.

Don't Mess With Texas

"A guy with Peaceable Texans for Guns called me the other day to say he was going to kill me."

--Texas state representative Keith Oakley, quoted in Newsweek, March 6, 1995.

Do the Right Thing

"An item in The Baltimore Sun: 'Mississippi state legislators passed a bill that would make caning legal. If some thought the image of white guards whipping blacks, or blacks beating whites, was a problem, the bill's sponsor said the job could be given over to Native Americans.'"

--The Progressive, April 1995.

Kevlar Cavatelli

"I'm working on a line of bulletproof condoms that actually enhance the experience of avoiding pasta

--Tim Patterson, Crossroads, April 1995.

That Pinko PBS

"It was Bert who told us that anyone who can connect as many paper clips as Bill Clinton, can certainly run a country."

--Ernie, "The Great Muppet Massacre," circulated via e-mail.

Newt Watch

Take That, AALARM!

"One of the great problems in the Republican Party is that we don't encourage you to be nasty."

--Newt Gingrich, in a speech to college Republicans, June 24, 1978, quoted in Newsweek, November 21, 1994.

Your Scrap Could Be Here!

perspy@hcs.harvard.edu